Letter to Daddy

Dear Dad,

It's been a strange and pondering time this last week. Since I came back from the Documenta Arts festival in Kassel--in a sleepy but amazed and art-filled daze--I spent a week and more almost entirely indoors ... the cold had me dropping the 'e' in this city in prefernce to "brrrrrrlin".

But today is sunny, in many ways. I just got an email from the curators at DNA (yes, same place where I was studying) with all the details of the performance this December -- I share the bill with 4 other choreographers. There is a little stipend, but otherwise its work, work, work -- and that's great news! I realize that I am looking at a lot of alternatives for my life right now in a bit of a panicky way, trying to prove to others that really I can "do it", but do what exactly? This show in December is just one more labor of love evidently already in the direction of my imagination and desire. It is true however that there are few foreseeable concrete rewards except for itself .... "dance as its own reward". I believe in that. I believe in the people that dedicate to that. It's work.

So I wanted to share that good news with you. Where ever I may end up after, later, in the future, there is this work to be done, and it is my job to make it sophisticated, thought-provoking, resonant, real. It is doubly my job to make sure I do this job, not to kill the baby of my creativity. Naa Aku wrote me today that maybe there are no demons, or if there are, the only solution is to pick something and work on it, to be satisfied with your accomplishments and let time judge the rest.

Another friend who is a visual artist was relating to me his affirmation of the artist path from Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet. Have you read that? I started it in the bookstore years ago and didn't finish--I suppose it wasn't that ground-breaking for me at the time. But Rilke's work is often an inspiration to artists, because he puts it so clearly and gracefully that you do it because you can't live without it.

There's another popular book, The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron. Here's a publisher's description: "With the basic principle that creative expression is the natural direction of life, Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan lead you through a comprehensive twelve-week program to recover your creativity from a variety of blocks, including limiting beliefs, fear, self-sabotage, jealousy, guilt, addictions, and other inhibiting forces, replacing them with artistic confidence and productivity."

I think I'll join the "over 2 million copies sold!" at risk of jumping on a bandwagon. I'm sure that clearing my mind this way will allow for greater creative efficiency which will translate to any field.

So the concrete update for 2008 is that Sazali who brought me in to guest teach at NAFA is helping me link up with human resources at NAFA and Lasalle, so I will see if there are any opportunities there. When I think about home I get excited about the developments regionally that I was seeing from the Cambodian arts scene--neo-traditional performances (albeit somewhat trying, for a modern-dance viewer like me) Auntie Halcyon brought me to, and the producers of which I met at a function hosted by Keng Seng (they were off-season when I was in Phnom Penh, unfortunately). Of course, this is also tied into the work Pichet Klunchun has been undertaking to recontextualize traditional form, which you saw last year. So I imagine myself representing and/or advocating for artists, too, at some point--because I love artists. Maybe they will be artists attached to my art--a company?--or maybe my vision--students?--or maybe just my connections--a production house? Or maybe all, at different times?

Hope you are well, I'm sure busy. Mum mentioned you were travelling. She also mentioned that she's been having realistic dreams that confuse her--like emailing me that it was Oma's birthday (I thought it was yesterday, when it was the 6th!) but realizing that she'd only dreamed she did. Oh Mum!

Love you.

MEL