in the span of a song i see our lives pass
always parallel, never in present or past
tense -- i miss you.  there is nothing I don't love about you.  maybe there are things i don't like. probably mostly about me, or the world
and behaviors at large that i can't but help but run with with my curiosity and bleeding heart.

your head looks like a bed of mulch, hatted, a wizened druid; me hooded and drying my eyes flat palms into fists, together we box and giggle and make Wii we. i trust you with myself unlike anyone i have ever met. or, i don't trust myself with hardly anyone, it's true, but it's not a problem, or rather, one that i can change. i feel i am in my truest form near you, i am unafraid. i will never forget feeling that way in the days before i met you, through old friends i bumped into that led me to a puffy-eyed night at an absurdist bar and your hands on my ribcage: "don't disappear".  

but now we say "don't wait." you're right, I agree, i needed to be with you long enough tonight to let go the fantasy of a Lionel Ritchie song, but it still hurts to think that this is how it happens, it might move onward to convenient relationships and one day i won't see you in my mind's eye wandering oafishly through my truest dreamings. don't wait for me, i'm not waiting for you. oh wait, do wait, wait for me, i'm waiting too.  i'm not waiting, i'm living, i'm loving, but wait, just live, live for me, yes, love for me, don't tell me, well, just, let's, well, no, well, don't wait, ok, we're not waiting, no, we're not waiting, but you see, he's optimistic, and you know, really, after all this, well, so am i.

i feel like "not waiting" is like playing a game of peekaboo with a young child who revels in the pure dynamics of changing time and space and perception, but knows well enough to know you're there and you haven't really vanished. 

i'm not disappearing, i swear, i won't do it.