The gestapo of ambition ... "Hitler was a vegetarian" and everyone is a fascist

Alternate title: Who do you tie your shoelaces for?

The gestapo of ambition comes knocking at the door in the middle of the night, flashlights taking 2 seconds too long to find your eyes and fasten you to your bed--too long, because it allows your consciousness to emerge beyond your animal submission--"WHAT WILL YOU DO FOR THE WORLD? HOW WILL YOU RESPOND TO THE HIGHER CALLING? WHAT IS THE BASIS OF YOUR INTEGRITY? HOW IS THE SUSTAINABILITY OF YOUR LIVING? WHERE IS THE COMPASSION OF YOUR INSISTENCE? WHERE IS THE INSISTENCE OF YOUR COMPASSION? (what is the color of your damn parachute?) DO YOU BELIEVE, DO YOU TRULY BELIEVE, THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WORTHWHILE AND CAPABLE?"

I have hand-prints designed for black-and-white. All four crescent lines in the palms are scars of equal depth; i hold them up towards my face and squeeze to wrinkle: they are two bickering grandmas, Weegee's two fat ladies in hats with flowers and too-thick stockings, saying crassly, "What about class?!? What about it?!?!"

Maybe I am going to die soon. But there is a break in my lifeline at its tail that I don't believe I have encountered yet. Unless it happened already and I am at the moment at the wrist? Um.

Why is it a "negative" trait, to be "double-minded"?
What is the face of a "single-minded ambition"?
Is that fascist? Is that a fascist face? Is there anything that cute or clever about rhyming "facetious" with "fascist"?

Last night the moon reflected in a pane of window glass made the entire building from inside its courtyard look like a facade, and the window glass and moon inside that center frame a sky and satellite on the other side ... or a tunnel-like portal to another dimension with a whole other sky and moon (and a whole other people looking up towards a whole other window in a whole other block of flats). Now every building appears suspiciously 2-dimensional, like standing paper cut-outs shielding the edge of the world just beyond it. Berlin is a movie set.

Zen meditation: "The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon itself."

The man with grey eyes looks like a naked fox without a den when you mention the word, "ambition". Ambition is a spaceship that sends people far, far away; "spaceship", in Italian, has the comically futurist label, "navicella spaziale". Everything in Italian seems to have an upward lift, regardless of its true disposition towards the subject at hand. The Italian is a reluctant optimist, which makes for a desirous melancholic, which is to say, an excellent mid-19th century artist but living and making in the 21st. We are all at battle with our own natures. Many of my heroes growing up were extraordinary isolationists. Did I "ambit" to become this way? What is the difference between "ambition" and "desire of the heart"? Who do you tie your shoelaces for?

AMBITION
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin ambition-, ambitio, literally, act of soliciting for votes, from ambire
1 a : an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power
b : desire to achieve a particular end
2 : the object of ambition
3 : a desire for activity or exertion

Synonyms:
ASPIRATION, PRETENSION mean strong desire for advancement.
AMBITION applies to the desire for personal advancement or preferment and may suggest equally a praiseworthy or an inordinate desire .
ASPIRATION implies a striving after something higher than oneself and usually implies that the striver is thereby ennobled .
PRETENSION suggests ardent desire for recognition of accomplishment often without actual possession of the necessary ability and therefore may imply presumption .

DESIRE
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French desirer, from Latin desiderare, from de- + sider-, sidus heavenly body
transitive verb
1 : to long or hope for : exhibit or feel desire for
2 a : to express a wish for : REQUEST b archaic : to express a wish to : ASK
3 obsolete : INVITE
4 archaic : to feel the loss of
Intransitive verb : to have or feel desire

Synonyms:
DESIRE, WISH, WANT, CRAVE, COVET mean to have a longing for.
DESIRE stresses the strength of feeling and often implies strong intention or aim .
WISH sometimes implies a general or transient longing especially for the unattainable .
WANT specifically suggests a felt need or lack .
CRAVE stresses the force of physical appetite or emotional need .
COVET implies strong envious desire .

The gracious monkey on my shoulder (wagging his ball and chain) reminds me: one desires peace, one does not have ambitions towards it.

The Dutch woman who lives in this flat is learning Arabic, translates for a living, visits deportees in prison, organizes for prisoner and immigrant rights/reform. Change is small and difficult.