It wasn't a big deal, not even a snap, a mild irritation, but it was, it was the exasperation that made me put down my fork, that made me feel pathetic, that made me feel disgusted, that made me feel like I was eating her poison, vegetable lunch, all these things she buys for me to eat her stuffed piglet her happy baby her obedient nurse. I put down my fork not as a protest even, not even as defiance, it was like tears, the fallacy of tears, the fallacy that they are communicative -- they are about as commuincative as farts and burps they are heard but they are intended of service to the farter or the burper or the tearer alone. I, the fork-putter-downer, stared at glistening strands of bean sprout and kuay teow still sitting in the box, shredded green mango and carrot in spicey sauce, stewed veggies in brown sauce with perfect and delicious pyramids of garlic floating. I did not see my reflection with a big juicy bone in my mouth in that gleaming tray of sauce and cabbage. I did not drop my imaginary bone splashing sauce and garlic bullet onto my polo shirt because I thought the girl in the take-away tray had a bigger bone. But staring at my piled little plate and the styrofoam chests of lunch treasure I did think, sayang lah, you were hungry before and it won't taste so good later and if you don't pick up your fork again soon she might get angry and you would have hurt her feelings because she bought you lunch. So I made that choice, I will have to say I made it, well, I made it myself how wonderful, I made that choice to pick my fork back up and finish lunch just as planned, just as planned before exasperation made me feel pathetic and disgusted, just as before I lost my appetite. I ate slowly and deliberately and while the food never lost its taste it lost its identity as nourishment and took the crown of way to cope, a kind of sick escape. I felt like my father then: the companion who takes it sitting down -- the foie gras duck -- the 50 dollar slut. You put it in your mouth and hope soon for it all to disappear.