Who is John Galt?

If anything can be labelled God's gift to mankind, it is the 16" spinhead electric fan, particularly that which is made in China and available for purchase for a mere $12.84 USD from Wholesale Distributors on Broadway and Bleecker. God's emissary in this endeavour was Schulyer Wheeler, who in 1886 produced the prototype for the beast I have created -- um, assembled -- of my own two hands and which now proudly stands in my room in defiance of this unbearable city heat. I have for over a week been simulating scenes of not just my menopause, but those of scores of others added to mine, with each night a torture of one, long, enduring, unassuagable heat flash. I grabbed pictures off the wall nearest to my head and tried to fan myself to sleep, hoping not to smack my arm into my face if I succeeded. Instead, my feet would jerk or twitch when it became apparent that I was falling asleep and I would be again awake to sweat through another hour, or two, fully, desperately conscious, before then simulating death in order to lower my body temperature. But now, now I listen with glee to the lulling whir of my all-knowing friend and comfort, shaking his head amiably at my plight -- my new friend, Pelonis.

My old, and human friends are not to be forgotten. My friends are also good ideas, excellent inventions, technology of the most necessary and sophisticated sort. God's gifts. If anything can be labelled God ....this is where Microsoft Word -- some would say with the same authority, or at least, range of effect on humanity, as the divine -- cuts off my opening sentence in order to make a file name.

Take, for example, my friend Elaina. Elaina has giant curly Chicana hair, worn well beneath a jogging headband or Texan gallon hat alike. Elaina has unashamedly jogged on the spot in my room playing 80s hits as it stormed outside, and continued on to aerobics upstairs, making my ceiling reverberate and chips fall from the giant hole which is where the ceiling fan -- the miraculous divine fan! -- was supposed to be. Elaina is my "wife," even though she now has a boyfriend, who I suspect was the reason I received the loveliest of voicemails as I sat sweaty mid-dance-day. I love my friends who throw me ethical conundrums in the middle of a weekday afternoon.

"Hey Mel, it's Elaina. First of all, it's so nice to hear your voice, like on the voice recording. Ah ... I miss your voice. Um, how you doing my dear. I hope you're well. I hope life, and all the people you encounter in your day life are treating you well. Giving you smiles and, yeah.
Um ... I have a question for you. Do you think it's possible -- well, I feel like it is, but I guess I want to hear your affirmation -- do you think it's possible for a person to be light-hearted and carefree but also really be dedicated to the world, like, to really wanting to help the world? And like ...
you know, you hear about things that are bad and happening and like ... people ... or even in our own society ... and really like be aware and really want to do something to combat them or contribute to improving something, or whatever, but still be a carefree, joyful person?
Not too serious of a person? Tell me what you think, I'd love to hear, if you have any thoughts. I love you very much -- I hope you're well. Bye."

Sent June 14th at 3:04pm. 1 minute 40 seconds.

I'm not going to answer her here. I'm going to call her back, and wax lyrical about the notion of "calling." Because I have deliberated this question for myself a lot, much along the lines of "is 'it' (action X, Y, Z; desire A, B, C; one contra the other) OK?" as noted in my first entries. Elaina and I have together spoken of this many times, but never quite so succinctly as to say: we were not all given crosses to bear.

I went to a movie alone last night. It was a screening at BAM of four shorts and one feature length documentary by Amir Muhammed, entitled "The Big Durian." I thought it was terrific -- but good luck to the uninitiated.