While I was crying about the moon, pre-post-prandial-menstrual dysphoric disorder, love, my fear of intimacy, my painful need for isolation which sabotages my absolute necessity for company, and missing missing missing my twin (complement/mate/match/bear/dog/fox/mouse) -- while this was happening and I was also lamenting the superfluous use of my time with pixelated screen-people constructed by actual writers (not mediocre try-hard-retrograde-teens like myself, at 25) -- I receive a halleluia "beep" from my phone inbox (almost full to capacity with old messages that record significant times that have long evaporated. Why do I keep them? I don't know. I don't find that much authenticity or pleasure in them now. But they are documents. They mark time.) A picture message! Who could this be? What could it be? Who is my redeemer at this critical moment of self-discovery, self-actualization through pain and longing?
CINGULAR: You recived a picture message your phone can't display. See it at the URL below-expires soon. Use code 5q342fn9 http://www.cingular.com/inbox.
It's so mysterious. It's so magical. It's from a (405) number. WHO? WHY?
It's a picture of a $20 bill. Andrew Jackson. What is this secret code? Why the note? What is this message? Realize: I am still hoping for some fortuitous message, some sign that I am loved, or that I matter, or that all my efforts are not just robotic attempts at validation and that really I can hawk off all my belongings and move to London as soon as my work here is done. Forget theory. Ditch grad school. That's for ambitious workaholics with no access to soul. I want soul. I'm gonna get me some soul with my $20 enigma.
I call the number.
Who the fuck is "Chip"?
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1 comment:
But you are loved.
I love you Mel - for your abundance, for your drive, for the fact that you care about those around you, your growth, your art.. and because, well, just because!
Melu!!!
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